Emily

“You are kind and good and perfect, but I am busy holding myself together with tape and glue.  You are too much for me right now because I am busy with the tape and the glue.”

Grey’s Anatomy, you are SO GOOD.

“When we say things like ‘people don’t change’, it drives scientists crazy.  Because change is literally the only constant in all of science.  Energy, matter— it’s always changing… morphing, merging, growing, dying.  It’s the way people try to NOT change that’s unnatural; the way we cling to what things were instead of letting them be what they are.  The way we cling to old memories instead of forming new ones.  The way we insist on believing, despite every scientific indication, that anything in this lifetime is permanent.  Change is constant.  How we experience change— that’s up to us.  It can feel like death, or it can feel like a second chance at life.  If we open our fingers, loosen our grips, go with it— it can feel like pure adrenaline.  Like at any moment, we can have another chance at life.  Like at any moment, we can be born all over again.”

Meredith Grey is very, very smart.

Too bad it’s not as easy as it sounds.

I wish I was dreaming.  I wish that all of this pain was a dream and that I could wake up and find everything still standing, still happy, still good.

I have to be at Disney by 8:30.  Fuck.  You won’t be there, and I really don’t want them to fill your spot.  I want to tell the guests that Dale was sad and couldn’t make it to visit today.

I hugged you 2 days ago.  I don’t understand.  I miss you.

My family goes on day trips and we take one of my friends from school along.  And we shop and go to the beach and go out to dinner and all along we act like we are a wonderful, perfect, happy family.

Because for one day my brain is almost tricked into thinking this is normal… and then we get home and I am painfully reminded that it’s not.

Faking it just isn’t fun because then you’re that much further from what you want.

But it is genius and madness all at once.

“The only thing more unthinkable than leaving was staying; the only thing more impossible than staying was leaving.”

What am I doing with my life?

But I am so much better off without you.